Dead people poop themselves
by warmmayonnaise
Summary: Iosefka collects sacrifices for Amygdala-senpai


It was a wednesday when Iosefka decided it was finally time to feed all the kidnapped whores she kept in the attic of her clinic. Due to a legal feminist issue, she was forced to move them from the backyard and into more accomodating conditions. Collecting and preserving prostitutes was a lost art, but the Yharnam feminists considered it inhumane. They could never understand. They could never hope to transcend humanity with their false progressiveism. Only through collecting whores to offer up to the Great Ones could she become one with the cosmos.

"This year Amygdala-senpai will notice me for sure" she slurred, clearly having consumed all of the sedatives she was going to give to her captives. "He's always a slut for the booty, and I'm always a slut for space, and soon we will become one, we will be sluts together, forever, euhuehuehuehuehue..."

She stumbled up the stairs, carrying a bucket of what was left of the brainsucker she cut to pieces the night before so her whores could eat and feel closer to ascension. Feeding the feebly small amount of whores who had survived this long was easy enough, but Iosefka knew she needed more whores, new whores, as many whores as Amygdala-senpai needs. She had spent her best years in the Choir researching his known sexual prefrences, but to no avail. The whores she had seduced and kidnapped were not enough to please him. Perhaps he tired of women. Perhaps he was trans-homosexual. Troubled, Iosefka knew her hard work and perseverance were futile.

When the hunter came to her again, she requested not to bring her just any whores, but new whores. Big, burly, meaty, hairy new whores. Manwhores with their wits about them so she could break them for Amygdala-senpai. Surely this would please him.

It was the next Wednesday when her first manwhore arrived. He was stark naked, emaciated, and reeked of the distinct stench of a beast orgy. Not terribly different from the women she had been offered up until this point.

At first Iosefka wasn't quite sure if she should let the man inside, unsure if his horrid smell would ward off any hopes of Amygdala-senpai descending upon her humble clinic. According to years of persistent research and pages and pages of fanfiction, Amygdala-senpai only enjoyed the finest, most aromatic perfumes. Offering him a whore who smelled like a beast orgy instead of tentacle impregnation and peaches could be the abrupt end of her endeavors.

Lost in thought, she hadn't realized manwhore #1 had pushed past her to snoop around her clinic.

"This is a smashing place!" he exclaimed, rifling through all of her jars and vials. "Do you get your stash from that piece of shit spider, too, love?"

Surprised at his exquisite taste in hard shit, Iosefka began to ignore her doubts.

"Only sometimes.. Most of these are my own, made out of the insides of my patients and my own menstrual blood." She laughed sedatedly.

The naked manwhore gazed at her shelves of bile longingly. "Oh, you are a sick woman! I owe that hunter a terrible lot, finding me such a lovely place as this."

Iosefka bit her lip in excitement. "Would you... like to stay and try some?"

As the harrowed manwhore enjoyed a small jar full of sticky reddish liquid, Iosefka made use of augur of ebrietas, choking him until his eyes rolled back in his head.

"You're an oblivious fool," she said bitterly, dragging him off to the attic. "My menstrual blood is only for Amygdala-senpai."

Locking the door behind her, she decided to tell the hunter to send someone who doesn't drink uterine lining and smells like tentacle impregnation and peaches instead.

It was a Tuesday when the next manwhore arrived. Iosefka was pleasently surprised to find this one clothed, handsome, and from the looks of it, incredibly dim and gullible. Once he started talking, however, she could feel herself about to have an anneurysm.

"Good day, whore doctor!" he shouted with great enthusiasm. "You have been chosen by the church to hear about the eminent master logarius! aren't you excited? I'm hard already"

"That is fascinating, really" Iosefka said, downing another sedative.

"Indeed it is!" He was living up to her every expectation. "That hunter was right to send me here, I haven't lived in a whorehouse in years"

"You're a whore?" She began drinking a second sedative.

"Oh I am such a whore. I have an abortion every time I fart."

Iosefka threw what was left of her sedative behind her excitedly. "You're perfect"

Inviting him inside, Iosefka quickly bound and tied him to a chair.

"I've always wanted master to do this to me, but you're good enough." Iosefka tried to ignore the sound of his voice. "Hey, want to hear about Byrgenwerth?"

"No. Here, let me make you a mixed drink." Iosefka began preparing the strongest sedative she could in hopes he would sleep long enough for her to summon Amygdala-senpai.

"Oh no that's quite alright, I only partake in menstrual blood." Iosefka felt her patience slipping rapidly.

Suddenly, she could hear a faint pounding from upstairs.

"Did you hear that?" she asked, rushing to the stairs, only to see the door break down and a large, humanoid beast leap out from the attic. "Have you got a screw loose?" he swiped at her as she stumbled backwards, desperately trying to crawl away. "locking me up with those whores," he snarled disgustedly. "I despise women."

From the other room, they heard, "you hate women too?"

The beast drew his attention to the dim manwhore tied to a chair, and Iosefka saw this as her chance to escape. Crawling out from under the beast, she watched as he slowly walked towards the chair, his distorted voice sounding rather nervous.

"The horrid wenches make me sick..." the beast said shyly, avoiding eye contact.

The dimwit bound to the chair lit up. "I used to beat women to death so my master would finger my butthole at night. Maybe we could cooperate, and murder women together!"

Blushing madly, the beast crawled into his lap, and began to kiss him feverishly. Iosefka, huddled in the corner, gaped in bewilderment at the sight. Suddenly, a beam of moonlight broke through the ceiling, and down from the cosmos descended her revered, her worshipped, her one true love, Amygdala-senpai.

Iosefka stumbled to her feet and reached her hand out to touch him, to see if he was real. Had she been right? Had the manly stench of tentacle impregnation and peaches been enough to summon him? Amygdala-senpai reached out to her as well, picking her small human body up off the ground.

"I... I knew it..." She gasped, "I was right... Our studies were wrong, all wrong... The Great Ones don't want women... They want the gays! My fanfictions were right all along!" She laughed uncontrollably, in a dim, sedated haze.

Meanwhile, Amygdala-senpai's attention was drawn to the beastiality that was happening 2 feet away. By now the beast's knot was 12 inches deep in the handsome manwhore's ass, his eyes rolled back and drool pouring out of his open mouth, crying for his master. Amygdala-senpai watched with wonder and fascination at humanity, dreaming about all the fanfiction he could write about his gay human fantasies. Surely an erotica this deplorable would finally earn him his dream job as a novelist.

He turned his head back to Iosefka, who was convulsing with joy. Their eyes locked, and finally, he spoke the words she had waited years to hear.

"Dead people poop themselves."

"wh... what..?"

He repeated, sounding much more... young, and... feminine... than before.

"Dead people POOP themselves!"

Iosefka awoke to a young girl straddling her, staring at her intently. Breaking her gaze, Iosefka looked around; no whores, no men, no amygdala. No... No that can't be... Had her greatest achievement been nothing but a fever dream?

Still in shock, Iosefka ignored the young girl prattling on about death, about how when her mum died she MUST have pooped herself, how horrible and smelly it must have been. She ran to the attic, only to find it empty.

A wave of depression fell over her. She had uncovered the way to commune with the Great Ones, but it was all fantasy. What a sick fool she was. To have honestly believed she could earn Amygdala-senpai's attention through beastiality!

She felt the young girl tug at her nightgown, pulling Iosefka from her thoughts.

"Miss doctor," she stuttered, "W-will I poop myself after I die too..?"

Suddenly, Iosefka had a wonderful, fascinating idea.

"Nevermind about that, dear.." she said as she took ahold of the girl's hand. "Tell me... have you ever gone through the sewers...?"


End file.
